A New Season of Hopelessness
On the eve of another football season, I can feel the anticipation building. But, that excitement, as always, is tempered by the knowledge that I will once again, and forever be, disappointed by the teams for which I cheer – the Kansas Jayhawks and the Minnesota Vikings.
For this, I blame my father and the JC Penny’s Christmas catalog.
You see, with the exception of my father, my family attended small colleges, meaning when it came time to choose sides, his affiliation with and affinity for the University of Kansas trumped potential fandom in powerhouses like St. Catherine’s University (sorry mom). Truth be told, I had to look up if Catherine’s was spelled with a C or K, and whether it was a college or university. Also, they don’t have football. In other words, we had no choice.
Thus, my father’s decision way back in the 1970’s to attend the University of Kansas has condemned us to, with the exception of about a three-year stretch in the late 2000s, total and utter football futility. I am hopeful that new head coach Lance Liepold will eventually get us on the right track, but this year, the over/under on the Jayhawk’s win total is 1 and I’m picking push.
The total devastation I’ve suffered as a Vikings fan can be blamed on JC Penny’s. Each year, JC Penny’s would send a Christmas catalog that my brother and I would investigate in great detail. They sent this catalog in August or September, because it’s never too early for kids to start dropping hints about the presents they want from Santa. But, this early mailing also meant Halloween costumes could be purchased as well. This is where the trouble began.
You see, young Jeff wanted to be a football player for Halloween, and the costumes in that catalog were LEGIT. Helmets with Styrofoam padding, cheap plastic shoulder pads, numbers on the front and back of the jersey – no other football player costume would suffice. The problem was they didn’t feature all, then 28, NFL teams. My dad was a Rams fan, but the Rams stunk (he really chose his teams well, right?) so they weren’t even offered in the catalog. Instead, I chose the #81 jersey of Minnesota Viking Anthony Carter because the purple and gold matched that of my hometown Norwalk Warriors. Anthony Carter became my favorite player, the Vikings my favorite team, and rest is a miserable history.
In my lifetime, the Vikings have made it to and lost five NFC Championship games. I don’t remember the 1988 game, which they lost by seven points. Of the remaining four games, they lost two in heartbreaking fashion and were totally blown out in the other two. I don’t have to Google the results. They are etched in my memory. Gary Anderson, who had not missed a field goal for the entire season, missing a kick against Atlanta that would have nearly sealed the game. Brett Favre throwing an interception to the Saints, when literally anything else, including tripping on his own shoelace and falling down, would have given us the chance to win that game. The absolute dismantling of the Vikings by the Giants and Eagles. I didn’t even make it to the end of either of those games.
When I made my fateful costume selection, no one told me that the Vikings were already 0-4 in Super Bowls. I feel like that should have been mentioned. Had I chosen the Chiefs, I would have experienced one Super Bowl win, the Broncos, two Super Bowl wins, the Packers two Super Bowl wins (though I would have grown to be a terrible person because who can cheer for the Packers). Had JC Penny had a Rams uniform I would have been able to enjoy “The Greatest Show on Turf” era and a Super Bowl victory. My only consolation is that I didn’t choose the Lions or Bears….
As a fan, I’m excited for the season, but as a historian I can’t ignore the evidence. There is no chance that this season will end in anything other than disappointment. That’s how it works. With the exception of one Orange Bowl victory for my Jayhawks, my teams are Charlie Brown trying to kick the ball. We are doomed to eventual failure.
Let the season begin!
