“Bachelor-Padding it up”

In my previous blog entry I mentioned that I planned to write another post this weekend, as I was “bachelor-padding it up.”  Little did I suspect that the phrase “bachelor-padding it up” would generate feedback, including spousal feedback, that inspired response.

Those hoping to live vicariously through my bachelor weekend of debauchery are in luck.  What follows are all the bachelor-lifestyle choices I made this weekend.  Choose wisely and perhaps you can experience just a little bit of this fun-filled, thrilling weekend.  Good luck!

Friday:  I arrived home to said bachelor pad on a beautiful Friday afternoon.  I dealt with the mail, checked e-mail, and quickly made plans for my next move.  Did I:

A) Make dinner reservations at a Des Moines hot spot

B)Check the newspaper for movie show times

C) Walk to the Norwalk Public Library

I decided to walk to the local library, den of iniquity that it is, to check out some DVDs to watch over the weekend.  Also, the Norwalk Public Library is the place to be and be seen on a bachelor-pad Friday night.  Regrettably, it was only after I arrived at the library that I realized that I had neglected to notice whether the movies I looked for in the online catalog were checked out or actually on the shelf.  They were checked out.  I walked home empty handed.

Still, the night was young, even if I’m not – so I went home, took a shower, and:

A) Dressed for a night on the town

B) Called all my friends in low places

C) Scooped the loop circa 1999

D) Ate some leftovers and watched Amazon Prime

Well, I only had a couple episodes left in season 1 of Boardwalk Empire so the choice was clear – leftovers, Amazon Prime, and a 10:30 bed time.

Saturday:  Going to bed early on a Friday night isn’t a bad thing.  It’s a good idea to pace yourself – that’s what the pro’s do.  You must get some good sleep on Friday so that you can Get. After. It. on Saturday.

Which is precisely what I did by:

A) waking up at 5:50 am

B) going for a run

C) reading the Thursday-Saturday newspapers

D) cleaning our deck chairs

E) all of the above

Early Friday bed time pays off baby!  I got all of the above done before breakfast on Saturday morning, leaving me the rest of the day to:

A) go to the first Des Moines Farmer’s Market of the year

B) attend the food truck showdown

C) shop for party snacks for toga party later that night

D) none of the above

I considered going to the first Farmer’s Market of the year, but they were expecting big, raucous crowds which is a deterrent for old guys like me.  And, the farmer’s market bled right into the food truck showdown so parking was questionable at best.  And, there was hardly a need to shop for party snacks – all my friends are old like me, many with the added misfortune of children, so last minute toga parties are doomed to poor attendance in my age demographic.

Instead, I took a shower and went to my parent’s house to eat lunch because that’s the bachelor thing to do.  (I did not, however, bring my laundry).  After nearly falling asleep on my parent’s couch while watching an hour or two of some surviving-the-Alaskan-wilderness show, I went back home.  Still, it was only 2 in the afternoon, the byproduct of a 5:50 start time, leaving plenty of time for wickedness and fun.  After all, Saturday night’s alright for fightin’…

And boy did I see some fightin’ on/at:

A) the club when some guy touched one of the dancers

B) the hockey game because that’s what hockey players do

C) the underground fight club

D) the little league game at the nearby baseball fields

E) on my television screen

I figured this weekend would be an ideal time to watch the movie Gettysburg.  Holly mentioned that someone had used a clip from the movie in a training she attended, so it was on my mind.  Plus, I wanted to hear what it sounded like in surround sound.  I ate bad frozen pizza (seriously Hy-Vee, not your best effort) and went to bed around 9:30, clearly exhausted from the day’s events.

Sunday:  Sunday promised to be a big day.  Though I clearly had a stupendously productive Saturday, the list for Sunday promised:

A) ROAD TRIP!

B) a backyard BBQ

C) laundry, dishes, assembling our porch heater, and reading a biography of George Washington

Surely you’ve identified a trend at this point.  “Bachelor-padding it up” carries connotations that I clearly ignore. Frankly, I’m not sure what anyone was expecting.  Even when I actually was a bachelor, “bachelor-padding it up” was a pretty understated affair.

There was no clubbing, no drinking, no late-night shenanigans, no strippers.  I didn’t sit around in my underwear as my wife posited (which was a terrible guess at what I would do this weekend since I’ve not one time sat around the house in my underwear).  I don’t even remember there being any nudity in the episodes of “Boardwalk Empire” I watched.  Aside from some cursing while assembling the heater, it was an entirely PG weekend.  In fact, the latest I will stay up this weekend will be tonight since Holly has a late-arriving flight and I won’t fall asleep until she gets home.

In other words, I may not be the person one wants to live vicariously through, unless you are intrigued by a thrill-a-minute weekend that included ordering a new water filter for the refrigerator and giving myself a haircut.  It was, however, pretty much exactly what I wanted to do this weekend.  Bad pizza aside (seriously – bad), I bachelor-padded it up to the fullest.